A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks.

The husband shrugs. "Why not,it worked for your butt, didn't it?"

Three women are sitting in a bar talking about their love lives. The first one says, "My husband is an architect. When we make love it has power, it has form, it has function. It's incredible!"

The second one says, "My husband is an artist. When we make love it has passion, it has emotion, it has vision. It's wonderful!"

The third woman sighs and sips her margarita, then says, "My husband works for Microsoft. When we make love, he just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when it gets here."

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects.

"What's this?" he asks.

"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.

"What are cojones?" the man asks.

"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."

At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.

"What's this?" he asks the waiter.

"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.

"No, no," the man objects. "I had cojones yesterday and they were much bigger than these."

"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period." reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself!"

An old man and his grandson are enjoying the sunshine in the back yard. The boy spots a worm sticking its nose out of the ground and he pulls it out. His grandfather is annoyed at him and says: "You shouldn't have done that. Now that worm is exposed and will die or be eaten by a bird." The kid is crestfallen and so the grandfather tells him that he'll give him a dollar if he can figure out a way to get the worm back into the ground.

The kid thinks for a minute and runs off to the house. He returns carrying a can of spray-starch. He holds up the worm and sprays it with the starch, then shoves the worm back into its hole and collects his dollar.

The next morning the boy is playing out in the yard. His grandfather comes up to him and hands him ten dollars and says: "That's from your grandmother."